About: Quotes
Daniel: I realize I have some awful big teeth - shoes - to fill.
1.01 - Pilot Betty: God forbid you have to live with the ugly girl your dad forced you to hire.
1.01 - Pilot Betty: (re: the editor's book) No, I didn't lose it, it's just in a place I don't know about!
1.02 - The Box and The Bunny Daniel: (re: Betty's costume) That look! The all-judging butterfly!
1.05 - The Lyin, the Watch and the Wardrobe Betty: (re: Daniel's love life) The Romans had a nine-day week. You would have been a really tired centurion.
1.05 - The Lyin, the Watch and the Wardrobe Daniel: Books, newspapers, ABC news? I pay attention to which of those?
Betty: None.
Daniel: Exactly!
1.06 - Trust, Lust and Must Daniel: She thinks I'm nothing but an unqualified himbo who got the job because of my father.
Betty: ...
Daniel: Don't say anything!
1.06 - Trust, Lust and Must Betty: Daniel are you okay?
Daniel: No, I’m not okay! I spent the day waiting by the phone checking my email every two minutes. It’s like I’m this close to splitting a Cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker talking about shoes!
Betty: I really miss that show.
1.08 - Four Thanksgivings and a Funeral Betty: Are you wearing cover-up?
Daniel: I have a pimple all right. Go away.
1.08 - Four Thanksgivings and a Funeral (On the phone)
Betty: Look in a mirror. Are you biting your lower lip?
Daniel: No.
Betty: Yes you are. Don't do that.
1.08 - Four Thanksgivings and a Funeral (Daniel has just woken up in Betty's bed)
Daniel: And you slept where?
Betty: (deadpan) In your arms.
Daniel: ...
Betty: (laughs) Just kidding. On the living room couch downstairs
1.09 - Lose the Boss? Ignacio: (to Daniel) Betty told me to feed and water you.
1.09 - Lose the Boss? Betty: How do you feel?
Daniel: Like my tongue is wearing a sweater.
1.09 - Lose the Boss? Betty: Why did you get us a Christmas tree?
Daniel: Well, I threw up in four rooms of your house. It’s the least I can do.
1.09 - Lose the Boss? (On the phone)
Daniel: I think you should bring Tim and Chloe here, to your house.
Betty: (to Christina) I think he started drinking.
Daniel: I heard that.
1.09 - Lose the Boss? (Their first paychecks)
Daniel: What the -
Betty: FICA?
1.11 - Swag Daniel: What did you want me to write? 'Hiding under my bed, curled up in a fetal position. Wish you were here?'
1.13 - In or Out Daniel: Look at you. 'Fashion Week.' Five months ago, you thought Cavalli was a brand of pasta.
Betty: So did you.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: Now can we discuss this Cheeto tan?
Daniel: What? I was suppose to be in Rio for two weeks.
Betty: You look like an oompa loompa.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: I don't know if you know this, but the space under your desk is perfect for curling up in the fetal position. I can stand guard if you want to give it a try.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: Daniel, you love casting sessions. Hotties. Big boobs.
Daniel: Don't ever say 'boobs' again.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: I'm going to get Daniel a new horse to ride. (pause) That didn't sound as dirty in my head.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: Just think! If you become a power couple they'll call you Gisaniel.
1.13 - In or Out Betty: (threateningly) I'll say 'boobs' again!
1.13 - In or Out Betty: Daniel, The Times called wanting a quote, Dr. Phil called offering his services, and E! called wanting to do a reality show about your family.
1.15 - Brothers Daniel: Oh right, Stella McCartney’s having that party tonight. You know I got plans with Becks. You want my invite?
Betty: Um, yeah, sure, maybe.
Daniel: Maybe? Betty last week I gave you a calendar from my bank and you were all like 'Shut up, I can have this?!' This is Stella McCartney!
Betty: YOUR MOTHER KILLED FEY SOMMERS!
1.16 - Derailed Betty: Why did you ditch her, she's gorgeous.
Daniel: She didn't look like that in college. She had glasses and braces and this crazy hair. (pause) Which totally works for some people!
1.16 - Derailed Daniel: Now you're giving me that 'I'm so disappointed in you' look again.
Betty: I'm sorry, it just happens.
1.17 - Icing on the Cake Daniel: Why would Marc tell you something like that? Didn't he make you eat glue?
Betty: Yeah, that was before, I'm his girlfriend now.
Daniel: His what?
Betty: The things I do for you.
1.18 - Don't Ask, Don't Tell Betty: But that's dishonest!
Daniel: And how is your boyfriend, Marc?
1.18 - Don't Ask, Don't Tell Daniel: Well, as much fun as I make of all your pep talks, they actually kinda make me feel... peppy.
1.18 - Don't Ask, Don't Tell Betty: So, he popped the question yet?
Daniel: Stop. It's not funny. I had to kiss him, and he wears lip gloss.
1.18 - Don't Ask, Don't Tell Betty: You could have just emailed this to me.
Daniel: Yeah, but, I wanted to see the look on your face when you're not disappointed in me.
1.18 - Don't Ask, Don't Tell Daniel: Any messages?
Betty: Yes, Becks called to say congratulations on getting into Tabitha’s gift bag... eww! I just got that!
1.19 - Punch Out Betty: He hasn't changed his socks since Tuesday!
Christina: His socks? Next thing you'll be packing his lunch for him! (pause) Oh, Betty, you didn't!
Betty: Well, he can't drink like that on an empty stomach.
1.19 - Punch Out Daniel: Quincy Combs? Rapper?
Betty: No, celebrity trasher. He's the guy who wrote those books on Kathy Lee, Kobe, Whoopi -
Daniel: Whoopi? What did she do?
Betty: It's not out yet, but apparently it's shocking.
1.19 - Punch Out Daniel: What? Did you follow me here?
Betty: No! Daniel I was here before you. I was enjoying a Filthy Cub Scout!
1.19 - Punch Out Betty: You and me have a lot to talk about. But first: us. I shouldn't have shut you out, that was wrong of me, but you were more wrong. You really hurt me at that club.
Daniel: I know. I am sorry. I messed up. I didn't mean those things I said.
Betty: Good, because when you hired me you got more than an assistant, you got a friend. It's just who I am, Daniel. If you screw up I'm gonna tell you, whether you like it or not.
Daniel: I know, I need that. I need you Betty. (pause) So, we okay?
Betty: Of course we are.
They both pause and smile. Then -
Betty: SIXTEEN! Are you crazy! What the hell were you thinking!
1.20 - Petra-gate Daniel: Why are you so 'glass is half empty'?
Betty: The glass is in a million little pieces all over the floor, and I am just waiting for you to step on it.
1.21 - Secretaries Day Betty: My father. He's gonna be deported if we can't get him to Mexico for his visa and we don't even have the money to pay for his ticket. Oh, and here you are. You have everything and you won't even make the effort to help yourself. You know what, forget about it! Go with your models, I give up!
Daniel: Okay, geeze, now you've ruined the whole model thing for me.
1.21 - Secretaries Day Daniel: What is the matter with you? You went down to the 14th floor, grabbed the first guy you saw, told him I'm a freak?
Betty: Actually he's the third I saw. The first two thought you were a lost cause.
1.21 - Secretaries Day Daniel: I actually don't want to talk about my problems. I would like to talk about yours, however.
Betty: I didn't know the yogurt was his.
Daniel: Not that. Apparently you've got a very thoughtless boss who didn't realize until last night that you deserve a lot more than a crappy trophy. (He hands an envelope)
Betty: These are tickets.
Daniel: To Mexico. For you, your father, and the rest of your family. All they had was first class. Hope you don't mind.
Betty: No, no Daniel, it's too much.
Daniel: Stop it. You're always there for everyone else. Let me be there for you. Happy Administrative Professionals Day.
Betty: It's Administrative Profes - No, that's right.
1.21 - Secretaries Day Daniel: Do you know this call costs like $10 bucks a minute?
(Betty gasps and immediately hangs up)
1.21 - Secretaries Day Betty: (re: her gift rock from Mexico to Daniel) It's supposed to be mystical. The old man who sold it to me said it would help you on your journey to enlightenment. Or with cramps. My Spanish really sucks.
1.23 - East Side Story